I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
