One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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