mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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