You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
