Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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