I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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