If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
