you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
