We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
