im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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