Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
