Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
