Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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