Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
