I'm going to jail i love you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
