The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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