this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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