I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
