We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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