All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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