I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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