Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
