It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
