and you said cock pushups were impossible
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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