She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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