Porn is love you can see.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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