Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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