we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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