It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
