My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
