Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
