you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
