I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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