I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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