Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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