i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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