and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
