I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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