You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
