He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
