I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
