On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
