I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
