Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
