i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
