I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize