i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
