i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
