do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize