Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
