she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize