Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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