We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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