Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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