Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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