I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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