i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
