summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
