omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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