A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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