why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
