Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You've changed since you got that strap on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize