great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
