you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
