apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize