Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I forget how to act sober
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
