he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
