Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
