we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
