Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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