I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
