Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
