There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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