i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
