he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
