they need to just BURY HIM!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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