Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
