some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
