erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dignity is for republicans.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
